Beginning at the end…

This is one of my favorite pictures of my brother, Paul. I used it for his obituary in March 2019. Paul was my little brother. He died of heart failure at the age of 58. In this picture, he was in his 40's, I think. In this picture, he looked like an ordinary guy. I am ashamed to admit, I was sad my brother wasn't an ordinary guy. He was a man with disabilities. My life story parallels the stories of so many siblings in this world--siblings of people with disabilities who grew up during baby boomers generation. Those of us who just lived with the hand we were dealt and now, as adults with children and grandchildren of our own, are still trying to figure out who we are. Trying to define ourselves as individuals, separate from our sibling and their disability.

We live with shame and guilt. We try to fix the world. We neglect ourselves in order to help everyone else. We suffer silently while telling everyone things are great. We drown our pain in food, alcohol, work, or whatever else numbs the hurt.

At the end of my brother's life, I found new perspective. It is my goal to share that perspective and hopefully help other individuals who have siblings with disabilities learn to deal with their pain in a healthier way. Hopefully, while they and their sibling are still alive, so they can appreciate their relationship more fully. This is my mission.